Damn you, food, why can't I quit you...?!

Being bigger is becoming the new American way of life. Some want the country to be healthier (an example is First Lady Michelle Obama's Let's Move! program). Some want the healthy living advocates to mind their own business (like the opposition to Mrs. Obama's program).

For me, That ends today. Blaming my weight issues on my decision to quit smoking, chronic depression, and chronic pain is just denying that *I* made the decision to use food and illness as excuses. I want to play with my nephew without getting winded. I want to be able to wear some of my favorite clothes again. Above all, I just want to be healthier. Until these last several years, the biggest I'd ever gotten was about 168 (my weight when I joined the Navy in 2007). The scale this morning read 205. I just can't justify blaming not smoking, whacked-out hormone levels, et cetera, et cetera. I'm done making excuses. Seeing some of Tyler and Henry's updates on their journey has made me wonder that if these two can get up each day and work towards losing several hundred pounds each, then what's my excuse for continuing to sit on my own fat ass, complain about how big it's gotten, but still do nothing about it? My goal is a lot easier to achieve than theirs, and yet they are WAY ahead of me. Even Cindy and Justine's journeys couldn't keep the fire under my ever-expanding ass lit. Even formerly  "fat" celebrities like Kelly Osbourne failed to inspire me enough to actually do something and stick with it.

So why now? Almost four years of complaining and half-assing, and now I finally have that fire lit. And it boils down to a clothing purchase: I bought a damned maternity top. Why? Because plus size clothes suck, and maternity clothes are more flattering. It doesn't help that certain clothes I already own and wear make me look pregnant, so I figured, "What the hell, why not?" Then I got home from Target, and it hit me:

Buying one top made me realize how much I've grown to dislike clothes shopping for myself, an activity I'd previously enjoyed very much. Then I thought about the closet full of hundreds of dollars worth of clothes that I'd spent hours contemplating in the stores, sometimes going back multiple times before making a purchase. Then there's all the shoes I can no longer wear because the extra weight widened my feet. And a drawer full of lingerie that I don't even want to see myself in, let alone subject my husband to. And the four bathing suits? Yup, they aren't getting any use, either. Evening/cocktail dresses? Good thing I don't do anything that fancy. Ah, the tote of costumes. There's a reason I don't head out to too many costumed events, either. They're just sitting in a stuffed tote, collecting spiders. And I think some of it may still have playa dust from Burning Man 2010. And, perhaps the saddest outfit in my closet: my wedding dress. Sure, it's just a semi-matching skirt and top from Hot Topic, but there's a certain sentimentality in it. Lots of women will go back and see if their dress still fits. Mine, sadly, will likely stay stuffed in a box in the closet.

I just turned 30 in September. For some women, this is the dreaded number (until 40 creeps closer). For me, it's just a reminder that I've lacked the motivation and confidence to actually succeed at anything in my life. I'm determined to plow away at my design degree, and, at some point, finish the last bit I need for my business degree. I want to succeed at my business, revitalize my stagnant marriage, and lead a healthier lifestyle. And I'm hoping that coming out and admitting not only to myself, to but everyone, that I love food and sitting on my ass a little too much will help keep the fire burning that was lit by an orange and wine maternity top. And, with a little luck (and a lot of hard work), I can look less like 2013 me, and more like 2007 me (except a few years older, of course).

(See what I meant about certain things making me look pregnant?)

Never thought I'd try a @wilw recipe...

...but here I am.

I'm currently in the recovering stages of a nasty sinus battle (damn these Willamette Valley allergies!), but earlier this week, I was wanting homemade soup that had nothing to do with chicken. So, I asked Google to tell me what soups would go great with with the sinus headache of the century and Snotagra Falls. The first thing that popped up was this blog entry from Wil Wheaton:

Recipe time: Wil's Sinusitis Can Suck It Vegetable Soup

I thought, "Why not?" But I was too miserable to drag myself to the grocery store, so I'm only now making it now that I can intermittently breathe through my nose again. But, true to my usual form, I made changes (Wil's in Italic):

• 3 cups tomato juice--I used V8
• 1 can chopped tomatoes, or 4 chopped fresh tomatoes (save as much of the juice as you can)--I used a can of diced fire-roasted tomatoes
• 4 or 5 carrots--I used about 12 organic baby carrots
• 3 or 4 medium potatoes (I used the red, gold, and purple medley)--I used 2 huge potatoes
• 1 medium zucchini--the zucchini and squash at the store was pretty pitiful, so I bought frozen
• 1 medium yellow squash--see above
• 4 or 5 stalks of celery (I used celery hearts)--I used 4
• 1 medium yellow onion--the onion I got was pretty big, so I only used half
• 4 large cloves of garlic--I used 2 teaspoons of pre-minced garlic
• 1 tablespoon Bragg's Liquid Aminos (Soy or Tamari sauce also works)--I used organic soy sauce

Heat a bit of olive oil in a stock pot or large (~4qt) sauce pan. --I used grapeseed oil.-- ... Add the potatoes and stir. About a minute later, pour in the tomato juice and water, and turn the heat to maximum. Add all the veggies and spices. Stir like a boss. If the veggies aren't covered, you can add a little more tomato juice. --I put everything else in my crock pot, and added the garlic/carrot/onion when it was done. If I could cook everything in that pot, I would.--

Now, anyone who knows me well enough knows that I *LOVE* meat. I briefly considered added chopped beef to this, but ultimately decided against it. Though I may eat it with a turkey sandwich.

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Two hours in CP--taste test. Was kinda bland. Added a little more salt and pepper, another tablespoon of soy sauce, and a couple shakes of Worchestershire sauce. A little better. Potatoes still firm, so still has some cook time.

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Sprinkled in cayenne powder without really paying attention to how much I was putting in (you know, red on red). Went to my in-laws' for a few hours, had a small bowl when I got back. Sinuses were temporarily cleared, and my mouth felt like I was eating lava. Tasted pretty good until I lost feeling in my mouth thanks to the carelessness of my sprinkling. 

Final verdict: Definitely a "season-to-taste" recipe. Considering Wil is a beer connoisseur, I can't imagine he has no sense of taste, but everyone's taste buds are different. I like a lot of flavor, but I don't like my mouth tingling for hours (definitely my own damn fault). I will file this away for later to try again without the torturous amount of cayenne, but as long as you season responsibly, this is a pretty good recipe.

I'm off to watch the Star Trek TNG episodes "Justice" and "Naked Now" so I can laugh the pain away with Mr. Wheaton in spirit.

I'm gonna soap box for a minute re: the coverage of the Steubenville rape case.

First off, no one "asks" to be raped. That's a fucking cop out, and they know it. Slut shaming and blaming rape victims is reprehensible, and there's a special ring of hell for rapists and their sympathizers.

As for the media feeling sorry for these two "kids" with promising futures? If they cared that much about their futures, they would've kept their dicks in their pants. That simple. They took advantage of this girl's inebriation. And then her name gets published and aired in the news? Way to go there, media. Add to this girl's pain, you cold-hearted assholes. What about HER future?

So, now you're asking why I'm posting this here. Because I make sexy clothes. If any girl wearing one of my designs was raped and people blamed her clothes, I'd sure as hell take offense. But even more importantly, I've been there. Twice. Once as a child, once as an adult. In my case, I fought hard to take my life back, especially since the one of the fuckbags is still out there and will never see a courtroom or jail cell for what he did to me. I do what I do because I believe in strong, beautiful, sexy women who shouldn't be afraid to show it. This girl will have a harder time recovering because--not only were her rapists painted as victims and her name outed--but because some of these disgusting viewpoints CAME FROM WOMEN. We need to be lifting each other up, not putting each other down. Healing will be slow, but with enough support, it will happen.

I'm not saying I'm completely fine, by the way. I've been carrying this cross for most of my 29 years. I have trust issues, I'm so shy it's ridiculous, I'm not a big fan of people, and I hate being touched by strangers. What a great industry I chose to be in, eh? I'll be honest: it helps me. My first burlesque performance terrified me (see below). As you can see from some of the pictures from Full Steam Eugene, so did my first runway show, so I thought back to my burlesque days. If that wasn't evident. (Again, see below.) I watched a few major Fashion Week videos to get over that before EFW '12. If not for my husband of five years challenging me to put myself beyond my comfort zone, I don't think I could do this. The feedback from everyone else helps a lot, too!

Way too much physical flair for the catwalk.

 I don't walk all theatrical anymore, I promise.

Hiding the terror. Oh, and about 50 lbs smaller.

Moral of the story: CNN and everyone else who are lamenting the rapists instead of the rapee are dicks. Plain and simple. The healing process is hard enough. This kind of behavior is counterproductive to societal progress and to the continued healing of rape victims EVERYWHERE. I'm lucky enough to have found outlets, but there are so many who aren't so fortunate. It's time to stop stigmatizing rape victims. The ones who made them that way are the ones to be stigmatized. As with so many other issues, it's time to stop playing this figurative tug-of-war that leans too far in the wrong and regressive direction. And I wish all the best for this young woman who had a little too much fun and paid for it in one of the worst ways.

Now, I'm gonna go put together a hot little number for a fierce model who'd likely make a potential rapist very sorry they even had the thought.

Cajun Seasoning

I'm going to put it out there: I *love* Cajun and Creole food. I especially love cooking it. But a good all-in-one seasoning is hard to find. Unless you're my dad, who stocked up on Cajun seasoning on a work trip to New Orleans. I don't have any hope of squeezing a jar out of him. So what's a girl to do when she wants to make a good gumbo?

She figures out how to make her own.

Thanks to various sources found through Google, I cobbled together a recipe for Cajun seasoning that I now have a jar of.

Here's what's in my jar:
-10 t salt
-10 t garlic powder
-12.5 t paprika
-5 t onion powder
-7 t cayenne powder
-6.25 t dried oregano
-6.25 t dried thyme
-5 t red pepper flakes

This has quite the kick, but not too much, as the hubby isn't a huge fan of eating fire. It can, of course, be made hotter or milder.

Try it and let me know what you think!

Room Spray

If you like a delight burst of scent in your home, but don't want to use all kinds of chemicals, then I have an inexpensive and natural solution!

It's quite simple, really: herbal tea and several drops of essential oil in a spray bottle (mist setting). My favorite combination is chamomile tea and rose oil. Though, right now, I don't know where my rose oil is, so I'm using dragon's blood. I usually spray it into my curtains, furniture, and carpets, as well as the air. Occasionally, I use it on clothing, luggage, and anything to do with the cats. Plus, very cost effective. Especially if you're the type who grows their own herbs/flowers, and/or makes their own essential oils. Which gives me an idea...

Key Lime Cheesecake with Oreo Crust

I can't recall if it was my ex-fiance or my mother-in-law, but I developed a love for key lime desserts as an adult. I gobbled up the flavored yogurts and store-bought dessert mixes, but last year, I decided I wanted something more. So, I looked up a cheesecake recipe. Simple enough. Except that key limes are incredibly hard to find here, apparently. I eventually ended up buying a pre-packaged bag of about 30 key limes at Market of Choice. Then I had to go buy a citrus juicer. Which, by the way, juicing a lime half about as big as half a golf ball SUCKS.

Well, my husband saw that The Cheesecake Factory now offers a chocolate key lime cheesecake, and requested I make one (we don't have a local CF). So I dusted off this recipe, and made a few changes. (Recipe will be available in a .pdf format at the end.)

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I started by changing the crust from graham cracker to Oreo. You can buy pre-crushed Oreos, but that takes the fun out for me. So I put the de-cremed cookies into my little food processor. This came out to be a little over 1/3 C (15 Oreo sandwiches minus the creme).

I then added 5 T melted stick butter (unsalted), and mixed it in. This was followed by the mixture being pressed into the bottom of a 9” spring form pan, and baked for 5 minutes at 350*. (Note: Spraying the pan is optional.)

While the crust was in the oven, I put the cream cheese, vanilla, and sugar into a bowl, and used my electric mixer until it was combined and smooth.

After I pulled the crust out of the oven, I added the eggs and key lime juice to the cream cheese mixture.

When it was well-beaten, I poured it into my pan, and popped it in the oven.

(Note: Sadly, in our litigious society where common sense is not so common, I have to tell you to not eat the uncooked filling like I did. Raw eggs and disease and blah blah blah. Unless you’re like me, and have never once gotten sick from licking the bowl/spoon/spatula/beaters while baking. Then carry on. But if you eat the filling and get sick, it’s not on me.)

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I've learned tonight that the kitchen timer on my microwave can't always be counted on. As a result, my cheesecake was in a few minutes longer than it needed to be. I'm sure it's fine, but I won't know for sure until I serve it up after my husband and I have our anniversary dinner tomorrow night. But you don't really want it this dark:

***********************To Be Continued*********************

Key Lime Cheesecake with Oreo Crust Recipe